Archive for the ‘Announcements’ Category

Howdy friends and neighbors.  Census time!  It’s time to be counted.  Yep, our Constitution says that we the people shall be counted every ten years.  Here is what it says to be exact.  (Article 1, Section 2) “The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct.” 

Ok, I see where my constitution tells me that I’m to be counted every ten years, but where in the world does the constitution say that it shall sponsor a NASCAR???!!!  I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Greg Biffle’s number 16 car sponsored in part by the Census 2010!  They even brag about it on the web site “2010.census.gov.”  Here I was still wondering how the census could ask some of the questions they ask and wondering where in my constitution it gave the government the right to ask them.  But, I guess since they sponsored a NASCAR they can ask anything they want????  I think before I answer one question, I want them to answer my question of how many tax dollars were spent on a sticker on a race car and who authorized it?  Oh, but I better answer the questions because we might get a bridge or a tunnel out of the deal…  (more…)


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Howdy friends and neighbors.  My buzz word for the past few weeks, MUDDY!  Call me strange, but I like it!  My memory isn’t that short though, I remember last winter and I definitely remember being sick of the sand blowing.  You may think the story about last winter I’m about to tell is a windy, but it is all truth. 

First, I have to ask, do you know the difference between a fairy tale and a cowboy story?  A fairy tale starts out, “Once upon a time.”  A cowboy story ends with a spit and “I @#$! ya not!”  

Now, back to the story at hand, (more…)

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 Howdy friends and neighbors.  I know, I know, I have been lazy the past two weeks.  I missed you, too.  But boy do I have gobs to talk about! 

I had a wonderful chance to go to San Antonio, Texas a couple weeks ago to the National Cattleman’s Beef Association annual convention.  Yep, got to do the river walk and take in the Alamo as well as attend some cattlemen’s meetings.  I came away with one burning question from the entire trip and from the full gamut of the NCBA meetings and convention.  While walking on the river walk I saw a mallard duck that appeared to be sleeping while standing on one leg.  Why in the world does a duck sleep standing on one foot?   Yeah, I thought I would come back wondering about the supply curve of beef demand and how this inverted pie/point graph corresponded with the theoretical placement that the current cattle cycle would be in, or how the leaders in the beef industry were posed to tackle Washington, D.C., the EPA and the deer tick.  But nope, the duck sleeping on one foot has totally occupied my mind!  Finally, after two canceled flights back to Oklahoma due to the ice storm and three days of getting an over-exposure to NCBA, we slid into Sunny Point, OK.  What a mess!

On a more important note, the big take home message I got from the NCBA convention is the fact that I as a cattleman must do more to promote my industry.  (more…)

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Howdy friends and neighbors.  Yep, I took last week off.  I don’t know why other than it was a time change thing…  So, let’s get after it!

 I can’t believe that I am coming up on my fourth year of writing this weekly mess!  Time flies when you are talking cows and politicians.  It is amazing to me how far the little dare has gone.  My column runs in many newspapers and I have an e-mail list that keeps growing.  I have had a few speaking engagements, had a couple of featured stories written in magazines about me, and have been a guest on a couple of radio talk shows.  Fun, fun, lots of fun.  It seems that common sense and rural humor is still in demand.  So, I have decided to give something back to my readers.

 A friend recommended a while back that I consider a new venture in my  writing and after many sleepless nights (well, a good thirty minutes anyway) and consulting with my cow dog; I think I will give it a trial run.  What is it, you ask?  Well I am going to start an “Ask the Hat” section where you the reader can ask the really tough questions about proper boot scraping etiquette,  just how far below the engine oil mark on a dip stick can the oil be and a twenty year-old truck still run, how best to retrieve a lariat rope that is snug on a wild cow who is in the middle of a pond,  how barn cats multiply and subtract,  how long should one let a frost-free faucet drip before attempting repair, the best low-cost electric fence removal technique and what is the ideal cup in which to dip Oreo cookies.  From curing foot rot on an alpaca to blindness in pigeons to how to make an ugly boar attractive, it’s a reader’s choice.  Ask the hat questions like “what moon phase is best for scooping out grain bins?”  Feel free to ask about the weather, the markets, politics, Einstein’s theory on relativity or how to keep ALL your trailer lights working.  I’ll give you an answer, it’s up to you if you like it or not. My hat and I will do this for a while and see where it leads.  Disclaimer— If you actually take my hat’s (an inanimate object) advice or opinion, don’t plan on a lawsuit, the hat is as broke as I am.  If you do decide to sue, I will just give you the Hat, and its lawyer!  This section is for pure entertainment, just like congress.

 The questions above are simply examples.  Send in anything you wish to ask the hat.  Ask away.  Just e-mail your most perplexing or simple questions to monte@whatsundermyhat.com and I will select one or more to answer in my next article.  Please keep your questions brief and to the point.

 So send in those questions, my hat is hanging by.

 I’m Monte Tucker, getting desperate for something to write about.

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Howdy friends and neighbors.  I’m going to be quick this time; my two wild cows are due in from Las Cowages on the next 27 passenger Travelong goose-neck trailer.


Last weekend a friend of mine caught on camera what I consider to be wrong with politics as a whole.  He caught some really great shots.   These photos represent exactly what career politicians are all about.  Appearance; telling us what they think we want to hear, and as authentic as a shovel full of the stuff stuck to the bottom of the livestock trailer mentioned above. (more…)

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Howdy friends and neighbors.  Mark your calendars!  Dad and I spotted frost flowers this past week; so, in 60 days we should see our first frost.  That puts it here on…. October 17th.  A frost flower, according to Sunny Point urban legend blooms around 60 days prior to the first frost of the fall.  If you want to look for some they stand about two feet tall out in pastures, light green with a white flower like thing-a-ma-bob at the top.  Sorry, I don’t know the scientific name for this plant.  But as far as my prediction goes… it was two days off last year and hey, my guess is as good as anybody else’s.


What’s that noise from outside?  What are those dogs barking at???  Oh I’ve got cattle out!  See ya next week!



GuEsT LeTtER tO the eDitoR:


This is Pepper “the wonder dog,” Tucker’s top cow hand.  Anyhow, the rumor around the barn yard here is that the old wind bag thinks he’s going to make a run for the governor’s seat here in this state.  Well, he’s as full of it as that young pup the other day that got into a fifty pound sack of high protein baby calf milk replacer.  Yep, Tucker thought it was me until the rookie couldn’t go fifty feet the other day gathering steers without stopping with the gut pain.  Ha, ha, ha.  Oh he had a bad case of the squirts.  I took notes though cuz I ain’t no fresh hound anymore and when nature needs a helping hand, I’ll go to the milk sack!  (more…)

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 Howdy friends and neighbors.  Once again here I sit with nothing to write about.  Not watching the news anymore makes it hard to come up with stuff to write about.  I can’t put my Sunny Point twist to the current mess of politics.  So here is what I have decided to do.  Are you ready for this bomb shell?  

I am officially announcing my candidacy for Governor of the great state of Oklahoma!  Yep, I’m going to throw my hat (that went through the combine) in the ring and challenge the professional politicians for the top seat in the state! Ok, would someone get my wife some oxygen or maybe a paper sack?   (more…)

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