Archive for November, 2009


Howdy friends and neighbors.  What a great long weekend we just had with football from one end to another and hello December!

Well, I have answered a few questions addressed to the “Hat” lately but now it’s my turn to ask.  I caught about five minutes of the OU vs. OSU Bedlam game the other day.  Oh, come on, it was way too pretty outside to be inside watching football.  Anyhow the only thing that caught my attention during the game was when the network panned over to stumbling Stoops and then to perfect hair Gundy.  I noticed that each of them had two Oklahoma Highway Patrolmen standing right behind them.  I thought for a minute and concluded that in just about every college game that I have watched there is a state trooper with the head coach.  My question is: am I paying for that state employee to stand behind a football coach? (more…)


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Howdy friends and neighbors.  Have you ever had one of those mornings where just about everything you touch falls apart, goes south, turns backwards, or just blows up?  The other morning I was having such an event.  But, it finally dawned on me what the root of all my horrific troubles was.  I had been in such a tizzy that I forgot to have my morning Dr. Pepper!!  I told my hired help that all was to come to a complete stop and I marched directly to the refrigerator in the medicine shack, popped a top, and took a big drink of my instant problem fixer.  Kinda like fix-a-flat in a maroon aluminum can.  Ahhh!  There’s nothing like a 32.5º F sip of Pepper that has the scent of black leg vaccine, B-12, and 48-hour penicillin on the upper lid.  The day went just fine after that.  (If the CEO of Dr. Pepper happens to read this, endorsement checks can be made out to Monte Tucker and Hat, Sunny Point, OK.)

 It’s time for ask the Hat!  First, Drew Edmondson writes in, “Dear Hat, does the little ribbon tied in a bow on the inside of a cowboy hat go in the front?”  (more…)

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Howdy friends and neighbors.  Yep, I took last week off.  I don’t know why other than it was a time change thing…  So, let’s get after it!

 I can’t believe that I am coming up on my fourth year of writing this weekly mess!  Time flies when you are talking cows and politicians.  It is amazing to me how far the little dare has gone.  My column runs in many newspapers and I have an e-mail list that keeps growing.  I have had a few speaking engagements, had a couple of featured stories written in magazines about me, and have been a guest on a couple of radio talk shows.  Fun, fun, lots of fun.  It seems that common sense and rural humor is still in demand.  So, I have decided to give something back to my readers.

 A friend recommended a while back that I consider a new venture in my  writing and after many sleepless nights (well, a good thirty minutes anyway) and consulting with my cow dog; I think I will give it a trial run.  What is it, you ask?  Well I am going to start an “Ask the Hat” section where you the reader can ask the really tough questions about proper boot scraping etiquette,  just how far below the engine oil mark on a dip stick can the oil be and a twenty year-old truck still run, how best to retrieve a lariat rope that is snug on a wild cow who is in the middle of a pond,  how barn cats multiply and subtract,  how long should one let a frost-free faucet drip before attempting repair, the best low-cost electric fence removal technique and what is the ideal cup in which to dip Oreo cookies.  From curing foot rot on an alpaca to blindness in pigeons to how to make an ugly boar attractive, it’s a reader’s choice.  Ask the hat questions like “what moon phase is best for scooping out grain bins?”  Feel free to ask about the weather, the markets, politics, Einstein’s theory on relativity or how to keep ALL your trailer lights working.  I’ll give you an answer, it’s up to you if you like it or not. My hat and I will do this for a while and see where it leads.  Disclaimer— If you actually take my hat’s (an inanimate object) advice or opinion, don’t plan on a lawsuit, the hat is as broke as I am.  If you do decide to sue, I will just give you the Hat, and its lawyer!  This section is for pure entertainment, just like congress.

 The questions above are simply examples.  Send in anything you wish to ask the hat.  Ask away.  Just e-mail your most perplexing or simple questions to monte@whatsundermyhat.com and I will select one or more to answer in my next article.  Please keep your questions brief and to the point.

 So send in those questions, my hat is hanging by.

 I’m Monte Tucker, getting desperate for something to write about.

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