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Archive for December, 2008

Howdy friends and neighbors.  I hope Christmas found everyone well this year and that the new opportunities of 2009 are ready to spring.  As always, Christmas was better to me that I was to it.  As I tried to find some last minute gifts, all I seemed to see was aisle after aisle a useless junk!  Thus, I would like to share with you a gift I received made from junk that meant the world to me. (more…)

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The Manger

      Howdy friends and neighbors.  Why a manger?  I never gave a manger much thought until this year.  Have you ever thought about the significance of animals in the life of Jesus?  He was born in a manger, and then carried into the town of Jerusalem on a donkey. (more…)

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Howdy  friends and neighbors. 

Say-be-all-right-now, let-em-in-walk and walk-em boys. 

It’s-lot-number 103, a-Senate-seat-from Illinois.

The governor’s-hot-to-trot.

Gather-round-boys and bid-a-lot.

Who’ll give a hundred thousand? Bid it fast.

Just-one-seat, it won’t last.

I’m bid one, let’s make it two! Two-now three hundred, let’s make it four.  

Dems, your behind, let’s not let-em even the score.

Four hundred, bid-to-buy!

Labor is out, along with that hillbilly guy!

Five, now six, seven hundred, eight!

Get that phone, I’ll bet it’s Barney Frank!

Eight-bid-eight, bid-a-bid-eight. Now nine.

Are your bidding Reverend Jackson? Cash only this time!

One million bid! Now bid a million-one.

Secretary of State in the pantsuit, are you done?

A million-one, now two, lets make a million-five.

A two million dollar bid from Oprah and Saturday Night live!

Two million, bid-a-bid three million, who’s in the lead?

Rush Limbaugh, Newt and third partner Harry Reed?

Three and a half million! Mrs. Governor this is so much fun!

Four Million is the bid now from Dick Cheney and Halliburton.

Who’ll make it five, now five, bid-a five? Were stuck.

Five million bid long distance from Texas: It’s the lame duck!

Governor, call in the National Guard, the Reverend got signs and started a picket!

Tell that drunken hillbilly to quite trying to bid twenty million; he’s out of credit!

Come back to the auction, we’re nowhere near done!

Six million dollar bid from Oprah, SNL and Al Franken!

Come on boys, nothing is free!

Seven and a half million bid from Lehman Brothers and the Big Three!

Eight, bid-a-bid eight million? This is the sale of my life!

Do what?  That hillbilly just ran off with the Governor’s wife?

Eight, now eight, bid nine and I’ll get you in!

Nine million bid out of funds from a bridge to nowhere and Sarah Palin!

Nine’s the bid, who’ll make her ten? Ten million to bid: Ten! On the phone

Once, twice, all in, all done? SOLD!! Ten-mil, and the winning bidder?

Buyer number 101, AL CAPONE? 

Well folks, make good your bid before you leave and my pleasure, it was a treat.

Pick up a sale bill on your way out. We have another big sale next week.

Used White House furniture and a New York Senate Seat!

 

I’m Monte Tucker and that’s what’s under my hat sold with ease! 

Commission? 20%, and make it a cashiers check please!

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Howdy Friends and Neighbors:  Just one quick jab at D.C.  Last week I caught about thirty seconds on the congressional hearing with the “Big Three” automakers.  It was just enough to give me a good laugh.  Senators were wearing out the auto CEOs over being bad money managers!  To quote my grandma, “that’s the pot calling the kettle black.”  No, mister senator, they manufacture cars and own automobile factories, not a money printing press. (more…)

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Bailout

Howdy friends and neighbors.  I missed ya last week.  Sorry, I was a bit under the weather and my nose was running so much that I was afraid that I might ruin the keyboard.

 

Man, where does a guy start this time?  So much entertainment out in this old world lately and I only have limited space.

 

First, let’s laugh about the goings on in DC.  A few weeks back I quoted Will Rogers as he talked about life in the 20’s and 30’s.  He said, “America is the only country in which we can drive ourselves to the poor house in automobile.”  I attempted to modernize his quote, but all I need to do is just sit back and let the US Government write the jokes, then just put their actions in print.  I now have a 21st century quote to follow up on Will’s.  “America is the only county in which CEO’s can fly themselves to the poor house in a Gulfstream private jet!”  Again, the all so dramatic “bail out” news is so bad that it is somewhat hilarious to watch.  Our nation has created bread and soup lines once again.  Only the line is forming at the steps of Congress and corporate CEO’s are lining up to get their handout.  Once they fill their cup, it’s back on the private jet to renegotiate their bonus. (more…)

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