Howdy friends and neighbors. Well, here it is! My official endorsement for the democratic presidential primary race! I hereby fully endorse Hillary Rotten Clinton for the democratic nominee. Hang on a minute, I haven’t flipped my lid, I just decided it was time to get involved in the primary. Also, I’ve just returned from a meeting with my newly formed political action committee and in a 5 to 1 vote we decided to give the New York Senator the nod. My new P.A.C.C.S. (Prairie dogs, Armadillos, Cows, Chickens, and Skunks) met into the later side of the noon hour and emerged with an endorsement for the primary. The lone vote for “O’-what’s his name” was the proxy vote of the prairie dogs. They totally agreed with his views on small towns’ inability to hold sophisticated, intellectual conversations. Plus the fact that it is mostly small town rednecks that shoot at them. Thus, his stance on banning guns was a no-brainer for the underground, working-class prairie dogs.
The cows totally had their minds made up for Bill’s wife because they just love Bill and they admire Hillary’s ability to make money on the cattle futures. The cows are convinced that she is way smarter than the average herd. Within the cow caucus, all the breeds felt the same way except for the Jerseys and Scottish Highlanders. They still think Joe Biden has a chance. The Limousines held out for Ron Paul in the Libertarian vote because they felt he most represented the ones that like to think “outside the box or fence.” They feel he doesn’t see a gate that couldn’t be conquered. Of course, the happy Holstein cows in California first put their super delegate vote on actor Fred Thompson. They were still confused to which party we were discussing. After a few minutes of chewing their cud, they decided to go with Bill’s wife as well. They read on the barbwire net that Bill had fast hands with the well-endowed girls.
The chicken flock had no bickering between them, as they want Hillary to stay as far away from Arkansas as possible. In fact, they contributed the max to her campaign in the name of Oklahoma’s Attorney General, Drew “Chicken Poo” Edmondson. The flock is ever so hopeful that if Mrs. Tweedy (as the flock refers to Mrs. Clinton in reference to the movie Chicken Run as the mean old woman that wanted to make chicken pot pie out of all of them) gets the golden egg of this nation that she (Mrs. Tweedy) would give “Chicken Poo” Edmondson a Presidential cabinet seat back east and get him out of Oklahoma. Then Arkansas and Oklahoma would end their civil war over chicken poop.
The Armadillos took the longest to cast their vote in the PACCS meetings. They had to attend two funerals on their way to the meeting as Route 66 claimed the lives of two delegates that were in full support of Obama and “change.” Witnesses reported that the two victims were allegedly discussing Bush politics on war and the energy crisis, when a fully loaded oil-field truck topped the hill. The two got totally confused trying to “change” their mid-road-crossing agenda and blamed the Bush Administration for their credit crunch which denied them the ability to buy a new BMW to take to the meeting. At that point the oil-field truck had no other option. Joe Bob was 3 and Sammy was 2 ½. The substitute Armadillos along with the rest of the bunch sided with the NY Senator as well because they admire the fact that she and Bill can dodge oncoming certain disaster so well.
Lastly, the skunks cast their vote via carrier pigeon due to a lack of proper ventilation in the meeting room. They just love the way ol’ Hillary can down a shot of whiskey and chase it with a cold beer. Plus rumor has it that if Hillary wins the presidential race, she will give the skunks a full congressional hearing with all the house Republicans in a small hearing room in the basement of the capital with no windows. They’re totally excited.
I’m Monte Tucker, and that is what’s under my PACCS hat.
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