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Archive for March, 2008

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Howdy friends and neighbors. This is going to be a super short column this week. Some of you may even read it all the way through. I’m currently in our nation’s capital and you must tune is next week because I already have a few funny and interesting stories to tell. Not to mention, my ultimate goal for the trip. I’m here to lobby congress for them to do something about the smell of skunks. I personally find it to be very offensive and I believe the skunks are violating my civil rights. Law needs to be enacted as soon as possible.

lus, I had trouble here at the DC airport. TSA did a thorough shake down of me because, without me realizing, I had on a jacket that advertised “Ivomec.” Of coarse Ivomec kills parasites and in this town, that’s a serious threat. Well I better go to the hill and make waves. And no, the body cavity search didn’t go well. Especially when they found the skunk I was smuggling.

‘m Monte Tucker, and that is what’s was under my Pepé Le Pew hat.

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Howdy friends and neighbors. Happy Easter! Well when you get this Easter dinner may already be attached to your waist, but still, I hope you had a happy Easter. Let me go over to my latest invention here in the “Hat Band” (my whatsundermyhat office) and spin the wheel to see what I’ll write about this week. Click,click,click,click,click, click, errrrrrrr, click, squeeeeeaak……. pssssssssst, (that was some WD-40) psst, click,click, whoop! The duct tape came off the clicker. And the wheel landed on, oh wait, lets tape the clicker back on, and the topic is…. the only blank spot on the wheel! Well it beats the bankrupt spot. Maybe by next week I’ll have “Topic Wheel 2.0” up and going. I think I’ll use baling wire to attach the clicker and install a grease-zert on the spindle for smoother spinning (my computer spell check doesn’t recognize “zert,” but it has to be a word because I’ve heard it all my life.) When I get all the bugs worked out, I’m going to offer my patent-pending decision maker to the ‘08 presidential hopefuls. Though they might reject it because on it there will actually be decisions that need addressing. Oh, how dare I suggest the three remaining windbags make a decision with this wheel instead of the time tested “finger-in-the-political-air” machine? Maybe I just need to send them a grease-zert and a can of WD-40 because I sure see a few sparks, tons of friction, and lots and lots of squeaking.

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Howdy friends and neighbors:  My goodness, where does a guy start this week?  I try really hard not to watch any news because I don’t like being drug down by it.  But mainstream media is everywhere.  I can’t help but catch what the drive by media is hammering on.  In regards to what the New York Governor and the Oklahoma House member did this past week, I have to pull a quote from ol’ Ron, “Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.” – Ronald Reagan (more…)

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Howdy friends and neighbors.  Well, here it is Sunday night at about nine o’clock, or wait, it’s ten o’clock.  Now lets see, spring up and fall down.  No, fall backward into a pile.  No, spring out of your fall jeans due to the holiday meals.  No, spring high winds and fall dust storms.  Now, what time is it again?  Shoot, I don’t know.  All I know is the sun is down for the night and maybe by next Sunday all the clocks in my house will read the same.  Daylight savings time is about as big a pile of day old bologna as global warming.

I seriously doubt that very many people have heard about what more than 100 environmental scientists have concluded at the 2008 International Conference on Climate Change this past week.  (Thanks Trent Loos for the heads up.)  The boob tube news reporters are too busy telling us we only have a few years until the earth burns up to notice that we are again headed for an ice age.  Yep!  Okay, since 1971 to 1998 the earth has warmed.  All scientists concur with that statement.  But what we haven’t heard is the latest, that for the past 10 years, the net gain on temperature increase has been zero to slightly less.  Matter of fact, evidence shows that the earth has actually cooled this past decade. (more…)

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Howdy friends and neighbors. Well, here it is Sunday night as I sit down to write this and here in far Western Oklahoma, we just missed a good chance of rain. We still have a good chance of a snow/rain mix and I hope it just gets muddy wet.

Earlier this afternoon my wife asked me what I was going to write about this week and my answer was, “I don’t have a clue.” I went on to tell her I had it narrowed down to three topics.

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