Howdy friends and neighbors. It seems our beloved ag-media just won’t let this rumor of a “cow tax” go. Thus, I guess I will follow suit. Anyway, the “cow tax” is this hyped story of the EPA assessing a huge per head greenhouse gas tax on each bovine as if that would somehow miraculously cure the made up myth of global warming. In my worthless opinion, only the United States Congress and administration could come up with that kind male bovine excrement and view it as good policy!
To bring all my readers that are experts in many areas other than the digestive system of a cow up to speed, I will in non-professor like terms try to explain the complex digestive system of a ruminant. Let’s look at Webster’s dictionary for the definition of ruminant, “any even toed ungulate of the suborder “Ruminantia,” characterized by cud-chewing and a three or four chambered stomach for digesting food rich in cellulose. Includes cows, sheep, goats, deer, giraffes, and camels.” (Sorry, that sounds fairly techno.) Basically, a cow has the ability to eat grass, weeds, shrubs, cotton burs, cardboard, and Senate conformation documents and turn the above described into energy and protein that her lower gut can digest and turn into protein suitable for human consumption (i.e. milk and meat.) In this rumination process, carbon dioxide and methane gas is created as a by-product and is belched out into Al Gore’s inconvenient atmosphere.
The untold story, a lot like a US Treasury Secretary that refuses to pay income tax, is that in the 1970’s when Americans were told the next ice age was going to destroy planet Earth there were way more cows (a few million more) than there is today. Next, the folks that actually measure the temperature of the planet with thermometers and not lobbyists in private jets will tell you and I that the earth is actually cooling, not warming. Yep, the last three years the planet has been cooling down. Meanwhile, the cows just keep chewing their cud, as does congress. Another untold story, if the Washington elitists get their “cow tax,” beer, whiskey and coffee will be next. What! Yes, the alcohol and coffee making process releases a bunch of carbon dioxide. Fermentation whether it is in a cow’s stomach, bean roaster, whiskey mash or a wart vat, releases harmful greenhouse gas. That should have congress scratching their head!
All this and we humans still have the audacity to call them “stupid cows.” Well, I beg to differ. Unlike the EPA, I see the cow as the ultimate environmentalist. She eats only what she needs and nothing more. She places back into her environment natural, organic plant food that she just consumed allowing plants to reproduce and grow while consuming the cow’s by-product of nutrients and CO2. It is al if a higher power designed that way.
Here is a quick story about my friend Chuck and his “stupid red cow” that seems to display an enormous amount of bovine intelligence. Chuck, like many others in this complex system of beef production, has a pick-up truck custom designed and built for the husbandry of Central Oklahoma beef cattle production and Co-op conversations. “Blackie” would be the feed truck’s name and as you might picture, hay spikes and a cake box complete “Blackie’s” ensemble. Chuck prefers to auger feed out of the cake box into troughs as per the university’s fact sheet on efficient feeding. But, this red cow has figured out that if she positions herself right in front of Blackie as Chuck engages the auger, Chuck will have to clutch Blackie and holler, “get out of the way, you stupid red cow!” Meanwhile, the auger, still engaged, continues to dispense too much feed into the trough. My friend says that that red cow seems to smirk as she slowly moves out of the way and heads for the pile of feed. He drives away thinking, “did that cow just do that on purpose? Nah, she’s just a dumb cow.” He taps the side of cake box after he shuts the pasture gate and decides there isn’t enough feed in there for the next bunch. Back to the Co-op for more feed and a cup of coffee.
I’m Monte Tucker and that is what’s under my “save the planet from politicians” hat!
